You Basically Died When Irish Eyes Were Crying

Dropkick Murphy’s Concert

With St. Patricks day around the corner, it was time to slip into a kilt and then immediately into an alcohol induced haze.  All the members of House of Pain were here, as was everybody with a Celtic tattoo of any kind.   You know you’re in for trouble when the club has to kick people out before they even get in, for being ridiculously intoxicated.  It was freezing cold outside, single digits and windy, alcohol is always the culprit when men are wearing skirts.  Some of them were drinking out of plastic cups while they waited in line to get into the show.

One guy in particular was trying out for the Irish version of Cirque de Soleil.  I could tell by the amazing contortions that he began.  He was wearing only a T-shirt and jeans as he leaned up against some removable metal gates which were set up to guide the drunks into the club.  In one hand he balanced his plastic cup full of spirits, and in the other hand he held a cigarette.  He slowly began to topple backwards like a drunken trapeze artist, taking the gate with him.  I watched him move in slow motion as the gate toppled with his weight on it.  The impressive thing, was that he didn’t really try to regain his balance, he was only worried about the cup of booze in his right hand.  As he fell, his body refused to fight against gravity, but his head tilted slightly up so he could watch the hand with the cup in it.  Controlling the balance of his hand and the liquid that was inside the cup proved to be too much for his central nervous system to handle.  So with his head tilted slightly, intently watching the delicate operation, the hand dumped the entire cup of alcohol in his face, dousing his hair and leaving his body lying limply on the wet pavement.  He laid there in drunken astonishment.  It took three of his friends to lift him up, and he was immediately banned from the club.  He wandered off into the darkness of that cold night, not to be seen again.

Once we’d parked all of the cars, M. and I stood in the entryway of the club trying to stay warm.  This is not only where  security hangs out, but also where people who are being kicked out of the club must wait for someone to pick them up, or for the police to take them away.  There were two people waiting in the entryway for this very reason.  One of the guys had broken his ankle in the mosh pit and was sitting down, waiting for someone to take him to the hospital.  The other guy looked exactly like a member of House of Pain and had been kicked out for being drunk and feisty.  They had him sitting on the floor as well, but he kept getting up and trying to talk to people.  At one point, he took his shirt off and was standing in jeans, bald head, beard, and Celtic tattoos, asking security if they wanted to fight him.  They pushed him to the ground, and he stumbled over the guy with the broken ankle and immediately thought he was someone trying to fight with him.  Security again shoved him to the floor and this time stationed a huge guard by him.

Shortly after this, two bouncers came into the entryway carrying a guy that looked like he was completely drunk and out of it.  He was still conscious and hanging from their shoulders, barely able to use his own motor skills.  Once all the way into the entryway, his eyes rolled back into his head and he went completely limp.  They couldn’t wake him up, so they called the EMT’s and set him down near the other two guys that were already in the entryway.  Meanwhile, House of Pains girlfriend came into the entryway and was cursing and causing a scene, telling the bouncers to let her boyfriend go.  She had a mohawk and had shaved both sides of her head leaving only long lady sideburns.  She was quite a looker.  This is when the EMT’s came in and began trying to help the new guy.  He was lying on his back on the floor, his chest heaving in a strange way.  His eyes were open, but he wasn’t seeing anything.  One of the EMT’s began shining a flashlight in his eyes to check for pupil reaction, then began yelling at him to wake up and stay with her.  She couldn’t get any reaction from him, and his heaving breaths were getting farther and farther apart.  She began massaging his heart, trying to get him going again.  He stopped breathing, and more EMT’s arrived to help while someone called an ambulance.  House of Pains girlfriend was joined by a scrawny guy in glasses trying to tell the bouncers to let House of Pain go.  Egged on by his friends, House of Pain got up and started talking shit to a huge black bouncer, trying to push him.  This is what made the anger levy break.  The bouncer began struggling with House of Pain, and threw him to the floor, tackling him.  The scrawny friend tried to help and was pounced on by three other bouncers as the EMT tried to revive the kid in the middle of the brawl.  Punk rock girlfriend flipped out and tried fighting two girl security guards, while House of Pain was cuffed and dragged outside.  The two girl security guards had the Punk rock girlfriend pinned to the ground.  The scrawny friend had lost his glasses, was bleeding, and lying on the floor in cuffs, all of a sudden the kid the EMT’s were trying to revive made a bizarre sucking sound, sat bolt upright and said, “What’s going on?”

“You stopped breathing for almost three minutes” the EMT told him.  Shortly after, the ambulance arrived and took him to the hospital.  House of Pain was sprawled out on the sidewalk in handcuffs.  He was crying and one of his friends was trying to put his shoes back on his feet.  Punk rock girlfriend was cuffed and sitting in the entryway.  The scrawny friend was let go.  The police eventually arrived and took the beautiful couple away.  They were both in tears.

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