Masked Caucasian Rappers and the Drunk Girls Who Love Them

Hollywood Undead

I’ve never heard of these guys, but evidently they are huge with the eighteen and under crowd.  When I arrived, there were so many Junior High age kids and parents dropping off their children, that I knew this night would most likely be a bust.  I guess the shtick of this band, is that they are white rappers from California that wear masks and play the kind of rap/rock hybrid music that made Kid Rock  so popular years ago, minus the midget.

There was a lot of underage drunks, which are the funniest and most ridiculous type of drunks you can be around.  In the entryway, there was a kid who may have broken his nose and his arm while crowd surfing.  I guess all those hands got tired of holding him up, and the teenage crowd parted like the Red Sea, dumping him onto the concrete floor.  The trusty EMT’s were trying to figure out if his nose was indeed broken, when a drunk girl, maybe nineteen years old was brought in. She was wearing sandals and shorts, with a thin blouse-like shirt.  She was going to be kicked out of the club for being drunk, but had twisted her ankle walking down the stairs and was crying as another EMT tried to ice it.  The problem is that she was screaming, swearing, and yelling at the EMT that was trying to help her.  She also kept trying to touch and get close to the kid with the broken nose that was now in a neck restraint.  The EMT had enough of the the girls bitching and moaning, and gave up, telling her “you’re being an idiot”.

“I’m not stupid.  I go to the U of M, so I am not an idiot.  I’m in the nursing program.  I want to help him”, she pointed at the kid on the floor, and moved towards him again.

“That’s it!” yelled a security guard. “You are a lady, start acting like a lady or I will cuff you, stick you outside, and call the cops.”

“Fuck you, go ahead and have me arrested.  I don’t care”.  That was all it took.  She was cuffed and carried outside where it was maybe 15 degrees out.

At this point she began bawling again.  Her shrieks and yells were unintelligible through the tears and whining.  While outside, she kept trying to contort her body and get her cuffed hands, which were behind her, under her butt and through her legs so she could have her hands free in front.  A poor bastard of a security guard was stationed at her side to keep her from accomplishing it.  After about twenty minutes she was brought back in, still crying.  The guard told her “If you had just listened to us, you wouldn’t have had to go outside”.

“I actually did listen to you, and you’re a douche bag.”

I couldn’t help laughing.  She told them that she was going to throw up, so they let her back outside.  She dry heaved a few times, but nothing came up.  When she was allowed back in, she stood upright for a second, then began slowly tipping like a tree in a lumberjack instructional video, crashing to the floor.  Eventually cops came and got her, but many other kids were kicked out by this point.  The majority of them were girls.

As the concert let out, I went back outside.  A guy leaving the concert that looked perfectly normal, coughed and threw up all over his shirt.  He looked just as surprised by what happened as I did.  He nervously looked behind him at security and quickly tried to wipe the vomit off of his shirt, hiding what he had done.  He rounded the corner of the building and threw up even more, maybe out of sheer disgust of the fact that he was covered in and had touched his own vomit.  I then spent several enjoyable minutes watching people walk through his puke pile.

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