Scotty the limo driver.
I know that I’ve talked about him in the past, but there are just so many things that come out of this man’s mouth that delight, surprise, or revolt you. He has the memory of a goldfish, and usually tries to explain things like this, “Do you remember that one guy, that was on that one show, he had a mustache . . . do you know who I’m talking about?”
No, that’s so general that I’d never know who you’re talking about. He’s also the guy who makes racist comments to people right to their face, but yet, has no idea that he’s doing so. I usually end up embarrassed and try to distract him so that he stops talking to the customers.
Yesterday he said these little nuggets:
“Do you remember that day when traffic was so bad, when that one guy was in town?”
“Who are you talking about Scott?”
“You know that kid, he’s super popular, my grandkids like him?”
He then scrunched up his face, really concentrating, “Oh yeah, that Joey Beaver guy, that’s who it was.”
My coworker then asks, “You mean Justin Bieber?”
“Yeah, I bet that guy gets a lot of tail, if you know what I mean.”
“Scott, he’s like 9 years old.”
Then he immediately blurts this out, while customers are standing around. “Where’s the weirdest place you’ve had sex?”
My buddy tries to joke with him, “Well Scott, I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.” Right over his head.
“What was it like?”
“Well, he had it his way” I said. Still over his head, but he usually laughs when he’s confused.
“I once had sex on the beach in Acapulco, but that isn’t so strange . . . . I’ve got it, I had sex on a metro transit bus when I was a bus driver.”
I think we all just sat in awkward silence trying to purge that one from the memory banks.