The Zeros and Ones Will Get You Every Time

There’s a certain lawyer who’s a regular at our place.  He’s a short guy, with a bit of a Napoleon complex and a wife that’s been passed around by every guy in his group of friends until she ran out of options and married the little fella.  I almost feel a little sorry for him, since he has no idea all of his friends have railed his wife.

These same friends always make fun of him, and refer to him as a, “slip and fall lawyer”.  If someone takes a digger in a Burger King, he’s their man.  Needless to say he’s a sketchy fellow.  Most of the time when I see he him, he’s floating off the waves of whatever pills he’s popped, and comes to ride it out at the bar rail with a few cocktails.  By the time he leaves, he has no business driving, and legally I have no business telling him he can’t.

He’s told us many times about the ways he makes money off of all of the little accidents people have.  Hell, if he hears one of your friends was in a car crash, his business card comes out so fast it could stick into a tree like a playing card in a tornado.

Karma is a bitch though, and I don’t mean like a pretty girl who knows how pretty she is, I mean like a nerdy girl who waits years for the most opportune time to ruin your life because you made fun of her in band class.  He should’ve never mocked the way Karma played that flute so long ago, because her revenge will be sweet.

Turns out his bought and paid for chiropractor is now the subject of a huge lawsuit. For a kickback, the chiropractor will say whatever you want him to say in court, which might be illegal and unethical.  But trust me, the insurance companies have their own guys who do the very same thing.

Some big law firm has subpoenaed several of the lawyers that use this chiropractor’s services, and our man on the make, is afraid he may be next.

He was outside pounding cigarettes with a buddy who happens to be in IT, when I overheard their conversation.

“What are you worried about?”  His friend asked.

“I’m worried they’re going to subpoena me and look at all of my emails.  I mean, I’ve deleted most of them, but I know it doesn’t matter, they can still find them.”

“Are there things you don’t want them to see if they take your emails?”

“It’s nothing illegal, they won’t find shit about their case, but there’s certainly a lot of things that fall in the grey area.  I’m afraid even though they won’t find anything for this case, they’ll find out about a bunch of unethical shit that can get me in a lot of trouble.  I mean, I use AOL and Sprint email, but I switched them over and deleted the accounts, but every time I deleted an email, it somehow got forwarded to my new account.  I could really be fucked if I can’t figure this out.  Is there anything you can do?  Do you know how I can get rid of them permanently?”

“Unless they subpoena Sprint and AOL … I don’t know.  I mean it’s all ones and zeros on a server somewhere.  You can delete them, but they’ll always be saved somewhere.  They need a court order to make those companies give up your emails, it’s difficult, but not unheard of.”

“So what are you saying?”

“There’s nothing I can do.  My company doesn’t deal with that kind of stuff.”

“Fuck!”

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