Working in the service industry, especially in restaurants, you’ll inevitably run into that strange mutation of humanity known as “the cheap asshole”. You know what I’m talking about. The 10% tipper, the person who thinks they don’t have to tip on the whole bill, just the part that their gift card doesn’t cover, the same person who never tips their bartender, or their valet.
I hate these people. You hate these people. Hell, these people probably hate themselves. If you’re one of these people, do me a favor, stay at home, don’t go out to eat or drink, and just prepare all of your own meals and drinks for yourself in your own kitchen. There’s no need to tip yourself. It’s better than embarrassing yourself and your friends by being a stingy piece of shit.
Case in point:
A car pulled into our valet zone, and I went and grabbed the driver’s door and greeted her to the restaurant. The woman driving was white, in her fifties, and as she got out of the car, noticed something shiny on the ground. She bent over and picked it up. It was a quarter. When she stood back up, she smiled, looked at me, and pushed it into my hands. “For you” she said. I laughed thinking it was ridiculous, that she was joking, and marked on the ticket that she had tipped twenty-five cents.
I expected her to tip on the way out. I brought her car up and waited. But she got in and closed the door, leaving me empty-handed.
Twenty-five cents was tip enough in her mind, but in mine, it was probably the rudest thing anyone’s ever done to me at work. I’d rather be stiffed and get nothing than be demeaned by such a paltry sum. If you give me nothing, I know, and you know that you’re either a pile of crap, or didn’t know any better. This lady went home thinking it was a nice thing she’d done. If I could go to her house and take a crap on her doorstep, I’d know when she found it there stagnating in the morning, she might feel a little of what I felt as she drove off.