A Visit at Work From Methy McMethhead

A while back I wrote about a mad man high on meth who cornered me on the bus here: http://wp.me/p1kAEq-3O.  He came back crazier than ever.

My boss found him down in our parking lot wandering around.  Methy saw the door open up and just wandered in totting a travel bag on wheels behind him.  I’m sure he was pretty damn sketchy looking since he resembled a crazed Skeletor.

“What are you doing down here?”  My boss asked.

“I’m trying to find something.”

“You’re not allowed down here, this is a private lot.”

“I want to get to the elevator.”

“To go where?”


“You need to leave.”

He then escorted the man back up the ramp and out onto the sidewalk.  I’m sure he was speaking gibberish while being escorted out, but I never heard what.

I only noticed him when he waltzed through the revolving door and into the restaurant.  He looked familiar, but for some reason I couldn’t place him right away.  The look on the faces of the two hostesses and the manager made it clear he was speaking some kind of rubbish.  With strained smiles, they humored him.

“Holy shit!  I know that guy.”  I tried to explain who he was to my boss, but I saw Methy coming back outside.  “Watch this, he hates our old valet company.”

He stood in front of us a moment fiddling with his bag, and then looked up.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”  He glared at me.

I’m sure I had a goofy and delighted look on my face.  “Because I know you.  You hate (my old) Valet company.”

His attitude immediately changed.  “Oh you mean those sons of bitches that threw me to the ground outside of Seven in front of the cops.”

My boss whispered to me “I bet Kevin did that.”

“Fuck those guys.  You might not know it, but I’m famous in Minneapolis.  It’s true, everyone knows me.  You know what I did?  I started a restaurant with the goal of winning the restaurant of the year award in one year.  I did it in 9 months.  I served gourmet pizzas, and everyone loved them.  I was also a chef for someone you may have heard of … Wolfgang Puck.  My friends still run his business for him.  I was fired from Crave.  They told the Unemployment people they fired me for eating food off of a customers table, but that’s not what really happened.  I ate a chocolate covered strawberry that was offered to me from the table of the owner of the restaurant.  Those fuckers.  I’m not even allowed in this building.  I’ve been ticketed for trespassing and I’ll be arrested if I go back in.”

He smiled smugly, and thankfully a car pulled up, so we were no longer an audience for him.  That didn’t stop him from ranting and raving while he rounded the corner of the building and headed out of sight.

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One Response to A Visit at Work From Methy McMethhead

  1. Claire says:

    Ahh yes Methy!
    I know who you are talking about. Every time he comes in he asks for this one specific guest’s information because he’s trying to throw him a birthday party, but he can’t because he’s been banned from the LaSalle Plaza so shh.

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