Happy New Year!

The new year brings a lot of opportunity for reflection and change.  It also encourages us to reassess the things in our life that are either not working, or need a little fix.

All of these things were running through my head while I was working New Years Eve.  The ball had just dropped, people were kissing and drinking champagne, I was looking deep into the depths of my own soul, but I was jolted out of my introspection when I heard my coworker exclaim “Oh hell no!”

I turned to look while he rushed for the front door and saw a little penis, and it was peeing.

A drunk hipster had walked up and started pissing on the front door of the restaurant.  My coworker threw the door open smashing the drunk into the wall mid stream.  The guy hunched his shoulders in a defensive position, there was no way he would be stopping mid stream.

My coworker positioned himself behind the urinator, grabbed him by the collar and arm, and flung him away from the doors.  The drunk spun like a top, his piss arching and twisting with his body.  It got all over himself, the sidewalk, the red carpet leading into the restaurant, but miraculously not on my coworker.

A frozen line of urine, a piss trail if you will, showed how far the drunk got before he finished.  It was maybe 15 feet.

When my coworker came in, I could only laugh.  2013 had begun on a high note making me wonder where it will all go from here.

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3 Responses to Happy New Year!

  1. Adam says:

    Sorry dude, all I can feel while reading your post is sorry for the man who had not only sunk so low to be homeless, unwelcome in public bathrooms, and an alcoholic; but was then humiliated, forced to urinate on himself, and thrown around on New Year’s Eve. Had this been about a rich drunk guy at a restaurant, I would’ve been laughing right with you because that type of individual needs no pity. But the above mentioned person, who probably thought he had already hit rock bottom, sunk a little lower that night. And that’s not funny.

    • Adam, it wasn’t a homeless person, it was a drunk hipster, which may sometimes appear homeless but puts in twice the amount of time getting dressed like that.

      *I added the word hipster in there now so as not to confuse, though I don’t think anywhere in the text was it alluded to that the man was homeless.

      • Adam says:

        Thanks for clarifying that! I do apologize for making the assumption. I guess I did think I read homeless somewhere in there, but I guess that reveals how my own assumptions aren’t very pure. As an unfortunate hipster myself, I say, “fire away!” I’m now laughing 🙂

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